THE still small VOICE

Fear is a funny thing. It cause one to stop living, to push onward, it can even cause one to stay stagnant in their life. I do not know which I am, but I can tell you that I have dealt with this issue very recently in my life. About a week ago fear began to grip me. I felt inadequate to the work Father had called me to do. I had no clue how I would reach the people I was going to be with for nearly two years. We were given a worksheet to put it down on paper and develop ideas on how to reach those people. As I began to work on it, my heart began to weep over the fear that taken it. All day I walked around with a cloud over my head. I did not know what to do about it though. But that day I went to the Father for a special time with Him. I went back a read through my journal I have been keeping during my time here at the "compound." Ever entry spoke of how I needed the Father more. How I needed to cling to Him. Hold fast to Him. To be in Him. Almost everyday I had spoke of that to Father through my journal. So I began to write once more. The words seemed to come from the tip of my pen onto the page. My words to the Father through pen and paper. And what came out addressed the fear that had seized me. I am not to fear for the Father is with me. Even Paul was afraid, but Father told not to be afraid for He was with him. These words were assuring, but they did they were not set into my soul. So I laid down and fell asleep. When I awoke the fear that was bothering me earlier no longer resided in me. So I went down to the pond to sit there so I could be still and know. As I was sitting there, I noticed a rock on the edge of the bank. It had a water residue on it from the small waves that had battered it. And constantly those waves continued to hit the rock, but the water never went above the residue. But ever now and then, a more powerful wave came in and hit the rock. And when it did the water residue that was on the rock moved up slightly from that wave. I watched this for quite some time, then this still small voice began to resonate in my mind. This is what the voice said to me, "Adam those small constant waves are me continuing to give you what you need over and over again. So that you will be steadfast in me. So that you will not fear, but remain in me. And the larger wave is a time that is coming when all these constant reminders I am giving you will be tested. I am reminding you now to prepare you for the time to come." At that moment I knew who had just spoken to me and what He said. And since that day, the fear that had gripped me that day and everyday that I have been here was gone. Father took it over with His grace, His goodness, His mercy. For their is a time coming when all that He has taught me will be put to the test.

THE BITTER EPIC

First of all let me say, God is amazing! If you are going through a rough patch and are disagreeing with that statement, please read on!
Last week God had my number. For so long now, I have been really bitter about my Tourettes. People have always told me they were proud of me of how I endured, but they did not know the half of it. Constantly it was like I had a giant chip on my shoulder from being in class to just hanging out with my friends. I knew that I distracted the people around me and that bothered me a great deal. It bothered me even more when I heard of how I annoyed them. I know you may think that this was their fault, but not to me. I did not want Tourettes. I had no desire for it. I used to make jokes about it and laugh. But that never changed how I felt. Constantly, I had to take control measures. Like going to bed early, testing meds to make sure it would have no negative reaction with me, to all sorts of things. This really got to the core of me. Thinking all the time, why me? Why do I have to deal with this? And I never understood why God would, punish me, with this. To me that is what it was. But in all this time, I never realized I was bitter. And even more than that, bitter towards God. Any time a situation came around when my Tourettes had a chance to affect or if they did, I became extremely angered about it. Even before November, I had this problem.
Then last week, I had to test a malaria drug cause I was not sure how it would affect me. So I was heading over to the nurses office, when someone asked me, "Adam where are you heading?" And I proceeded to tell them what I was doing. Usually I would have been upset in the back of my mind about it, but at that moment nothing. It was like God wiped away all of my bitterness at that very moment. I never even prayed about it, but God still took it away. And now, just WOW! I can not believe how awesome God is. He has redeemed me from myself. Redeemed me from my bitterness, so that I might glorify Him through it all. Isn't God amazing? Taking someone like me, who had so much resentment built inside of me towards Him still took it all away in such a way that the only explanation was that He did it.